"Basically, yeah, I took steroids. I've been on steroids for five years. I'm also taking -- or I was taking up until a day ago, anyway -- human growth hormone, and I've done uppers and abused prescription pain killers. I admit it fully. I'm not going to try to say I got a bad vitamin injection or my cousin and I got it over the counter in a country that doesn't have OTC steroids or any bullcrap like that. I used, I admit it, and I'll see you all again in 50 games or on the flip side."
"Sure, I could wuss out and say my trainer told me this was flaxseed oil, but we're all adults here. We know flaxseed oil doesn't do shit for muscles. Steroids do, though. They do plenty. So does HGH and a bunch of other drugs the labs are designing to be more effective and more difficult to detect."
"So that's what I'm doing. I've used steroids for years, and I didn't get caught because testing is still crap and the designer drugs are years ahead of MLB's testing abilities. And there's a damn good reason for that: You've got a bunch of guys with a really big interest in staying built up, and they've got a lot of money to pay for this stuff."
and yes readers it's all a joke.
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